what God is teaching me

Lately, I am sure it seems as though all I talk about is pregnancy- ranging from my discomforts to my cravings to the excitement of it all.

I was thinking and I realized- my relationship with God has been, um, dry? Does that make sense? I have recently lost my expectancy of Him to move in my life. I have been self-reliant and have lost sight of my need to utterly depend upon Him and His grace. My prayer life has gone to the pits and I have seen each of these things affect my heart and my marriage and my role as a mother. In the past month or so, I have:

• seen my children as burdens
• felt sorry for myself
• abhorred service to my husband
• questioned where God has placed us in this season
• neglected time in the Word
• look to man’s wisdom as opposed to God’s
• and so much more…

And so I thought to myself today:

Is God teaching me anything right now?

The longer I thought about it, the question became:

What has God taught me that has actually “stuck”?

I think God is always teaching me. Problem is, sometimes I heed it and sometimes I don’t. And what I see in myself lately is that I am always “looking forward“- and that is what I think part of the problem is in my heart has been for a while now. I tell myself: I will be more content when…

• the baby is here
• we are out of debt
• David is finally pastoring, which I know is the passion of his heart!
• my kids are older and more obedient
• we have our own home

The truth of the matter is: I am not guaranteed any of those things! We have no promise of any future event ever coming to fruition. We only have this: now. I find myself constantly tempted to live from one exciting event in my life until the next. It is so easy for me to live from one date night to the next, from one vacation to the next, from one pizza to the next (yes, I love pizza!!!). And that is so not fruitful living. It has to grieve Jesus so to see one of His children live so outside of what His death sought to gloriously achieve- an abundant life!

I am kinda just throwing some thoughts out here. This is what I working on  right now. It is certainly nothing that I mean to be eloquent. I would surely covet your prayers as we continue to transition into where we feel called right now and what we feel God is leading us to do during this season of our lives.

great quote

I can’t think of a better way to spend the morning. A tall mug of hot chocolate, watching the boys play in the snow, packing, and listening to a great John Piper sermon from True Woman 08. I just heard this quote and wanted to share:

“If you try to reduce your womanhood to physical features or biological functions, and then determine your role in life purely on the basis of competencies, you not only miss the point of womanhood, you diminish the glory of Christ in your own life. Your distinctive female personhood is indispensable in God’s purpose to display the fullness of His glory.”

I like it. And I am changed by it.

a “knowable” God

David is quite the fan of the Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry, or CARM. He gets a lot of his information for counseling from them and has been utilizing their website for quite some time. Recently, he has been researching different beliefs and brought home a wealth of information last night on Kabbalah. I hadn’t paid much attention to it (it’s not like I’m busy or anything), but this morning I picked up the papers to put in our bedroom. I caught glance of a list of Kabbalah terms and the first one I saw was this:

Ein Sof: “the Unknowable God”

How sad.

No, I’m serious. My heart sank. At this point, all I claim to know about Kabbalah is that Madonna likes it and, now, the definition of this word. Maybe those who follow the teachings of Kabbalah have other gods as well. I don’t know. But I do know this:

I serve a knowable God.

Just like Paul in Acts 17, I want them to know about my knowable God. In verses 23-31 it reads:

“For as I passed along and observed the objects of your worship, I found also an altar with this inscription, ‘To the unknown god.’ What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you.  The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for ‘In him we live and move and have our being’;as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are indeed his offspring.’ Being then God’s offspring, we ought not to think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and imagination of man. The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent, because he has fixed a day on which he will judge the world in righteousness by a man whom he has appointed; and of this he has given assurance to all by raising him from the dead.”

Wouldn’t you have loved to have been a fly on the wall as Paul addressed the Athenians? The Epicureans didn’t believe that God would ever become involved in the affairs of mere man. With that in mind, can you imagine the response? And can you imagine Paul’s enthusiasm? Back in verse 16 we see that as Paul entered Athens his spirit was grieved by the pagan idolatry he observed. I would love to be able to hear the candor and passion that Paul must have spoken with as he noted such a sad and sorrowful portrait of men, who didn’t deny the existence of God, but thought He too grand and far off to have anything to do with their lives!

What good news Paul had for the Athenians! We see in verse 34 that some “joined him and believed.” What Paul saw is not far off from what we see today. In fact, it’s probably identical. What a blessed and needed reminder that we serve a knowable God. And it’s not that those around us don’t believe in Him as well. In many cases, they are misinformed and perhaps the Holy Spirit wants to use each of us to show others who in fact our God truly is.

random Bible reflections…

from the last person who should attempt exposition on the face of this earth:

I am drawing my time in Acts to a close. I have a few chapters left. A couple days ago, however, I got antsy after I finished up there and moved into Titus, which I read in its entirety, that same afternoon.

God’s word is amazing. It breathes new life into me every time I open its pages (provided my heart isn’t clouded by unconfessed sin, which has been known to happen). I was floored by Titus and I couldn’t wait to tell David what I am sure I had read, but had never retained, in the past.

In the past if you had asked me what I remembered most about Titus from its 3 small chapters, my answer would have, no doubt, been “the duty of everyone in the church- older women, younger women, older men, younger men, and so forth…” I really believe I have been missing out on the heart of what Paul is saying to Titus all along.

3 times in chapter two Paul points to the absolute necessity of the believer to make the Gospel appealing to non-believers:

In regard to the older women teaching the younger women:

“to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” (2:5)

older men to younger men:

“in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.” (2:7-8)

to bondslaves:

“not pilfering, but showing all good faith so that they will adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in every respect.” (2:10)

John Macarthur says (and if you haven’t figured it out by now, he wrote the study section of my Bible) in response to these three portions of scripture:

• When Christians claim to believe God’s word but do not obey it, the Word is dishonored. Many have mocked God and his truth because of the sinful behavior of those who claim to be Christians
• …the purpose of godly living is to silence the opponents of Christianity and the gospel and make the power of Christ believable
• …the supreme purpose of a virtuous life is to make attractive the teaching that God saves sinners

So my question to myself since then has been : am I making the gospel attractive? All too often, I’m not. And I aware and working on it. I am allowing my inconveniences and frustrations in life to become an excuse to act however I choose.

Paul says repeatedly that he is “in chains to the gospel…” or “a slave to it…” and I want to be no different. As an imagebearer of God (Genesis tells me I can say that) and a saint (Philippians says I can say that), I want to feel compelled to make the gospel attractive. Not only when I feel like it. But when I don’t.

Any thoughts?

I am headed to Philippians now. I will studying the book alongside listening to a sermon series entitled The Rebel’s Guide To Joy by Mark Driscoll. I enjoy listening to Mark Driscoll. I know a lot of you have probably realized that by now. Please note, I know Jesus is the best teacher. I listen to other pastors. But next to my own husband, Driscoll is my favorite. He is a little brash and upfront, not everyone’s favorite, but he is sound and I totally dig his messages. I am looking forward to Philippians. I wish I had D.A. Carson’s commentary on it as well, but I don’t, so I’ll get by=)

acts

A while back, I realized that I had never gone straight through the book of Acts. There are actually many books of the Bible that I have never gone straight through, but that’s another story. Recently I have felt compelled to understand the first century church and to learn from their example.

God has so blessed my time spent in Acts. I still have a few chapters to go, but I thoroughly look forward to reading from Acts every day! I have highlighted like I have never highlighted in any other book of the Bible and John MacArthur has helped me to understand some things that I never would have understood otherwise. A few things I have learned:

• What God expect of a teacher/pastor
• What God doesn’t expect of a teacher/pastor (though the church often does)
• the beauty/significance of elder leadership
• what God did in Saul/Paul…how amazing!
• on that same note, the significance of Saul becoming Paul. I had always thought it was a God-changing-his-name-much-like-Abram-kind-of-deal, and maybe it partly is, but the impression that I got (in the study notes and otherwise) was that Saul was his Hebrew name and it changed to Paul (his Roman name) so he could be a better witness to the Gentiles. Does that sound right?
• and Timothy! Timothy is like so many of us, but God used him in such a powerful way! He was the perfect companion for Paul, given his ancestry. He was half-Jew, half-Greek, which gave him much credibility with both groups. This even more reinforced to me the importance of watching our methodologies and being mindful of the culture that we are bringing the Gospel to.
• what happens when we lie to the Holy Spirit (umm….hello, Ananias and Sapphira)! It’s a little frightening what the God who is in our midst still today is capable of doing, especially when put on an act of spirituality to impress others.

I would encourage each of you, if you have never done so, to take a month (28 chapters) and read through this book!

cardboard testimonies

David pointed me to this YouTube video yesterday. At first- I’ll be honest- I thought “Okay- it’s their testimony. What is the big deal?” You might be tempted to do the same, but watch it until the end. By that time, I was floored by the great God I am so thankful to say saved me and  that I serve today.

And I got to thinking: what would be my cardboard testimony? I would need a lot of cardboard, to be honest. God saved me from so much… perhaps nothing that I realized as a fairly innocent 15 year old, but maybe the greatest thing he saved me from was myself. I would have died in my sin and, through His great grace, he called me unto salvation. That is pretty amazing!

So, I have to ask: what’s your cardboard testimony?

why God doesn’t fully explain pain

Found this blog by John Piper at Desiring God. Read it here. You’ll be blessed- as was I.

reflections from the hubby

My sweetie is out of town- I am thinking of him and missing him so. Since he’s on my mind, I thought I would share a piece he wrote for our state newspaper:

“Cleanliness is next to godliness.” I think this is a motherly proverb that will be passed down for generations. However, I think we could easily substitute “busyness” for “godliness”. Busyness is next to godliness. Man- that sounds good. Not only good, but impressive. The major question begging to be asked, however, is who are we trying to impress and what are we trying to accomplish by being busy? I recently read a quote in an article by C.J. Mahaney that says: “Man is impressed with activities. God is impressed with obedience.” This is something that we need to think about because we need to have our hearts on what is truly important. If you look at the life of David he was remembered as a man after God’s own heart. That is what he was known for and I guarantee you he was a busy guy. With all the pressures of running a kingdom he was known for his pursuit of God. He wanted to know God and we should too (Heb. 11:6, 1 Chr. 22:19). Without knowing God, it is impossible to show Him to others. It would be easy to mistaken this concept for laziness, but the following verses:

1 Tim 5:17
Prov. 13:4
Prov. 6:6-8

all show us the importance of hard work. 1 Tim. 5:17 even talks about a pastor laboring until they can no longer keep their eyes open. One thing any of our laboring should never do, however, is take front seat to pursuing the Lord. We should always be about the work of the Lord, but the amount of work we do should not be what defines us, but rather how we strive to be like the Lord. In the next days and weeks let us be known for being the people of God.

obedience reminder

As I was in prayer this morning (trying to stay awake) I asked the Lord for a heart of obedience. As I was meditating on what true obedience really means, I was reminded:

He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philippians 2:8

And I thought to myself: will I ever be called to be obedient to the point of death? Perhaps, but most likely not.

As a wretched sinner who finds it ever-so-difficult to be obedient to the Lord, I take refuge in this verse. It is another reminder that Christ never asks me to walk somewhere He never walked nor battle any temptation He never faced. He walked the path before me, and sinned not.

This is just the reminder I need to wage this war within myself yet another day.

great running song

It is so hard for me to find music that I enjoy running to. For David, it is easy: the faster the better. Fast isn’t exactly what makes a song great for running in my opinion. Sure- fast is great, but I need music that motivates me and gives me a reason to keep running. Lately, I have been choosing music that reminds me of my sheer nothingness without Jesus Christ. I love to run meditating on the work of Jesus on the cross and the hope that that gives us. Lately I have found myself praying often:

Thank you, Jesus, for dying on the cross, and for all that means!

Doesn’t it mean everything? I know I am guilty of making methods, issues, and other silly things more important than the Gospel… and shame on me! The atoning work of Christ on the cross should be what drives us, motivates us, dictates our lives! All the other things that I like to dwell on, think about, talk about, should come in a far and distant second place!

Here is my latest favorite running song:

Jesus, My Only Hope

I come into Your presence
With nothing in my hands
I only bring thanksgiving
For Jesus, God and Man
I cast myself on mercy
I cast myself on love
I trust Your gracious promise
To wash me with Your blood

I will not fear Your judgment
For me no wrath I dread
For it was spent on Jesus
Poured out upon His head
When Satan’s accusations
Make my poor heart afraid
I hear my King declaring
“Father, that debt is paid!”

Jesus my only hope
My only plea
My righteousness
My Great High Priest
Who intercedes for me
Before the throne
Jesus, I trust in You alone

Though I am poor and naked
Your prodigal come home
You place Your robe upon me
Your holiness alone
Though I be dry and barren
By grace this love springs forth
Love for You and Your Kingdom
Joy in Your glory, Lord

But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. Galatians 6:14