Letter to a friend

Recently, a friend from high school emailed me to ask how I “do it” with 4 children under the age of 5. I was extremely humbled that she even thought of me to seek wisdom in the matter and then I laughed at the thought of sharing anything as I feel like the most imperfect, wretched mother out there! Never-the-less, I hope through doing this not to give any glory to me but to the great God who daily equips me to be the only Mommy to Noah, Sammy, Simon, and Kaed.

Dear (Friend),

You are too sweet! If you knew half of it- I have nothing together. I feel like the biggest absolute mess. But I love it and wouldn’t trade it for the world.

That is special- what you have with (daughter). Noah was 3 months old when I got pregnant with Sammy so Noah only had 11 months as an only child. If that doesn’t answer your question, yes, we want to have more kids. It is an issue of our conscience that God would have us to do nothing to prevent however many children He might bless us with. It is a personal decision and we by no means feel like it is right or best for everyone. We would never say that someone lacked faith or was sinning by using birth control. That being said, I enjoy being pregnant. I enjoy giving birth. And I enjoy having a newborn. Whenever I am not pregnant, I want to be pregnant. And when I am pregnant, I am beside myself blissful although my husband might not agree with that statement because I do get achy and tend to complain.

In order to “do it”, I constantly rely upon God’s grace to get me through each day. We have “order” as much a family this large can have order. I have learned to have a schedule, but it has to be flexible, or else I will become let down and discouraged easily. Life around here is crazy and it is NEVER quiet.

I would never say that it takes a certain woman to have this many kids. By all means, I wasn’t that woman. But- motherhood have been sanctifying for me. It has taught me to be selfless and to surrender a lot of control issues that I have. I have learned how frail and flawed I am. I have learned what a nasty person I am. More than anything, I have learned that I am NOT perfect. I am, in fact, the furthest thing from it.

I have learned to toss out every “big” issue that comes with mothering. I have learned that a Mom is not made by whether she breastfeeds or home schools or had a homebirth or feeds her baby organically. Just about every time that I thought my way was the best way to do a particular task when it came to mothering, God completely robbed me of it to teach me that a good mother is determined by how she trains the hearts of her children to love and obey God versus how that child was taught or fed or birthed or so forth.

I think it’s just important to be open to what God may have for you. Be obedient. Don’t fear what the world says about quality time for each child or money or how many children the average family should have. All those things have a way of falling into place. You are a great Mom. I can tell. Just focus on those things that are eternal. (Your daughter) will benefit more from that than anything else you can give her.

Thanks for emailing. I hope I was able to help at all. And I would be happy to answer any other questions you had!

stay-at-home dads

There is a new video up at The Resurgence. I have been listening each week to Mars Hill’s series on Song of Songs- and this is an excerpt of a Q & A session following the second week. I thought it was a great response to a highly controversial question. You can watch it here.

As a side note: I wanted to add, as Mark Driscoll does, that there are small circumstances where there would be exceptions. I don’t claim to know what is best for any family in any given situation. That is a personal decision between a husband and a wife. I just believe he and his wife are stating what they believe is most Biblical in most situations.

whodunnit?

I came across a quote in my seminary wives notebook yesterday. The only problem? I didn’t cite who said it! I love this quote. It sounds very Susanna Wesley. Does anyone know for sure?

“She says I shall now have one mouth the more to fill and two feet the more to shoe, more disturbed nights, more laborious days, and less leisure or visiting, reading, music, and drawing. Well! This is one side of the story, to be sure, but I look at the other. Here is a sweet fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which it dwells is worthy all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant. I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all, to whom, while I minister in Christ’s name I make a willing sacrifice of what little leisure for my own recreation my other darlings had left me. Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to your mother’s heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, to her lifelong prayers!”

hungry bears and ultrasound dreams

I have this habit when I am pregnant, as do most women, I would assume. The week leading up to my ultrasound I dream all night, every night, about the ultrasound. The dreams are w-e-i-r-d. Last night’s dream included my OB and I taking a trip up inside my uterus to see the baby. I’m serious. We were wearing snorkels, oxygen tanks, you name it. It was a boy. I am sure of that.

I certainly want a healthy baby, but gender always seems to be what’s on my mind in these dreams. I don’t mean to seem shallow or unconcerned with my baby’s health, but when you have three of the same gender, that tends to happen.

What does a bear, or its claws, have to do with said dreams? Glad you asked. Around 5:00 a.m. David and I were woken abruptly (and loudly) to the sound of a bear trying to climb our wood gate into the backyard. I guess the dumpsters got boring. It was a horrifying sound and enough to convince David and I that we probably shouldn’t sleep with our windows open again (even in a house with no air conditioning).

Needless to say, that was the end of any dreaming. I guess I’ll have to see what tonight’s dreams have in store.

great post…

on being the mother of a large family! Here is the post.

I know I am nowhere near having 12 children, but it’s funny, I can already relate to certain situations she is regularly faced with, including:

• the announcement of a new pregnancy is very often not met with joy, but with condemnation

• if a child acts up, it is of course because they come from such a large family and obviously don’t get enough attention. If their clothing is threadbare, it is because the parents must be financially strapped. If the baby has a dirty face, it is apparent that no one cares enough to clean it

• a mother pregnant with her second child is offered sympathy as she struggles with morning sickness and fatigue, but ask a mother pregnant with her fifth if she was offered any

Does this ring true to anyone else? Make sure to read the post! I love the poster’s sense of humor, with one example being:

I have stopped volunteering the information regarding the numbers of my offspring mostly due to these reactions. I don’t have time to field a barrage of OMG!’s from the checkout lady at Wal-Mart while my ice cream melts. Plus, I don’t think it wins me any friends in the line behind me.

Merciful Mom

I have stumbled upon a new blog lately that I love to read: Ordinary Mother.

Here is a recent post of hers. What a blessing and challenge her words were to me!

do not lift up the horn

I was reading through Psalm 75 this morning and I came upon a “fun” verse:

I said to the boastful, ‘Do not boast’ and to the wicked, ‘Do not lift up the horn; Do not lift up your horn on high, Do not speak with insolent pride.’

Do not lift up the horn? Huh?

So I turn to my Bible notes for which each and every day I am thankful for! John Macarthur says:

The horn symbolized an animal’s or human’s strength and majesty. Lifting up the horn apparently described a stubborn animal kept itself from entering a yoke by holding its head up as high as possible. The phrase thus symbolized insolence and rebellion.

And it hit me: this is too great to stay contained within the words of Psalm 75. I’ve gotta make this horn thing more modern.

So, from now on, all the boring Moms can stick with:

“Don’t do that, lil Johnny! You’re disobeying” OR…

“Molly, what did Mommy tell you about playing in the street?” OR…

“Tommy, is that folly bound up in your heart?” (ok- I know a lot of Moms don’t say ‘folly’ but I still very much enjoy the wording here)

BUT…I much more like my new phrase:

“Samuel (you knew it would be Samuel), do not lift up your horn on high or you will sorely regret it!”

LOL. I am enjoying this whole ‘horn’ thing. Can you tell?

The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom

Has anyone checked out TLC’s new TV show The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom?

I have. And it made me…sad. It didn’t surprise me- nothing does anymore.

At first, I thought it might be a neat show. I mean, as women we have interests outside of our home. Provided that we don’t make anything more important than our highest calling, I see no sin in that. I was excited for these women who were going to be given a few days to- basically- have a little fun.

I have to admit- I wasn’t crazy about the wives lying to their husbands about where they were but, after the first day on the “job”, they told them. Not okay- but it didn’t make me turn the TV off.

What infuriated me was the latter part of the program. After having their fun and seeing what their lives would have been like had they chosen to have a career and not stay at home with their children, the woman is almost always offered a job in that position. This leads to a grueling, heart-wrenching decision between husband and wife. This week’s show found hubby and wife in this conversation:

Him: “So what do you think?”

Her: “It’s such a great opportunity! It’s what I’ve always wanted.”

Him: “I know it is.”

Her: “Do you think you could stay home with the kids?”

Him: “Of course.”

Her: “Do you think we can afford it?”

Him: “No.”

So time passed and she had to make her decision. Ultimately, she decided to stay home with her kids. I was so proud of her I wanted to leap to the ceiling. She said:

“They’re (her sons) still clay. I’m still molding them. They’re too young for me to be away from them every day.”

In the end, however, my primary frustration was with TLC. I wouldn’t call it an outright agenda, and perhaps they see nothing wrong with what they are doing, but in one of its mildest forms, this is another attack on the family and God’s design for the home. It’s sad what the world continues to become and I just continue to pray for God to have mercy on us.

more Voddie Baucham

Thanks, Heather!

Sorry, guys! I’m enjoying this so much!

His thoughts on youth ministry are blowing my mind! It’s like the truth has been there all along and I just never saw it.

Wow, wow, wow, and, might I say, wow!

Yeah, so, wow!

My friend, Heather, pointed me to the teaching ministry of Voddie Baucham and I am so changed by it.

You must…and I mean must… listen to his message on The Centrality of the Home. You will find it here. Let me know what you think about it. I would love to hear!